Monday, December 28, 2009

Well, Christmas weekend was pretty good. It had it's ups and downs.
Friday morning Greg and I got up and I made us croissants with Nutella (I think Greg could live on Nutella right now) and coffee. We did our presents for each other. He got me some windowsill herb gardens, a Shiatsu massage pillow, a necklace and earrings with coin pearl and purple crystals, an Itunes gift card, Starbucks gift card, Movie theater gift card, and gift card, and a bunch of stocking stuffers (mostly chocolate). I made out well! I got him some shirts, slippers, a book, and lots of his favorite junk food. He just bought himself a new laptop recently (his other one died- so it was necessary), so I wasn't allowed to get him a lot. I kinda went with necessities more than luxury items because of this.
Friday afternoon I packed up and headed down to Hilton Head to spend the rest of the weekend with my parents since Greg was working all weekend. I got there at cocktail hour and had lovely Pomegranate Martini and then we dove into the turkey dinner my mom made- yum!
Last week my mom had emailed me to see if I wanted to go to an Italian cooking class Saturday (um- hell yes!), so we did that on Saturday. It was a Scallopine class, so we learned how to cook chicken, veal, pork, and swordfish scallopine style with four different kinds of sauce, which are interchangeable. We both learned a lot, such as the right technique for pounding meat (lol), and that it's better to use grapeseed oil rather than olive oil because it's got a higher burning point and doesn't make the food taste like burned olive oil (interesting right?). The food was fantastic and we had all the wine we could drink. I paced myself so my mom could take advantage and I could drive! haha!
Saturday night we did dinner with some old family friends that also live in HHI (Hilton Head Island). They just moved into a new house so that was my first time over. When we first got there we all sat around in the living room having cocktails and munching on snacks while the lasagna finished cooking in the oven. At one point I was sitting with the men- my dad and Pete, and my mom and Lois called me into the kitchen to hang with the women. Well, upon entering the kitchen, I kinda got cornered by them and sort of a "baby intervention" happened where they basically asked what we were waiting for and why not have a baby now. Historically my parents have never been the kind that pressured me to get married, have a baby, or really do anything in my life (except study when I was in school). My parents have always said that I should do things when I want to and feel ready. Obviously, I've stated it before that having a baby is probably at the top of the list for things I want right now, but I feel like this is just the worst time ever because of Greg's job situation- financially and stability-wise. I reiterated that to them, but Lois kinda pushed me harder and said I should just do it and not wait. Lois and Pete have no children, and the story I have heard is that they never really tried to, but never prevented it and it just never happened for them and they just never did anything about it. I think they look at my brother and me and their nieces and nephews and sometimes regret that. She said something about how I shouldn't wait forever because it didn't happen for her. That is an extremely real fear I have- that we will have trouble getting pregnant. Especially the older I get. I know I'm still relatively young (I'm 31), but we still don't know how it will be when we try. It pretty much freaks me out on a daily basis. Anyway, I told them about the Continental bids coming out soon and how Greg thinks we'll know more once we see that and can reassess then. We moved on and had dinner and then played a game. The whole thing really threw me off though and I found myself thinking about it a lot.
The next morning I called Greg and told him about the "baby intervention". I basically bawled on the phone to him for like 15 minutes. He reassured me that we would probably know more pretty soon. Later, my mom and I decided to go take a walk on the beach. I was itching to bring the conversation up again because I just couldn't get it out of my head and eventually I did bring it up. She apologized and said she didn't want to push me and that Lois roped her into it. She did kind of ask again why we wouldn't consider having a baby now though if it's what we really want. She said if it's mostly financial why couldn't I do more budget our money. My philosophy on the situation is that we have cut back a lot on spending from the way we used to be. I really don't just go to the mall and get a bunch of stuff ever. There was a time where if we had the inkling in our head "Hey, we want kayaks", we'd just go buy some. If I buy something it's got to be pretty justifiable. One thing I do spend money on is some social time with friends- mainly dinner out once in a while. I don't think it's extremely excessive though, and my rational is that life sucks enough right now, I would like to at the very least enjoy some small things with my friends. We do have a somewhat expensive house we don't want to move from. We also have a one car payment. We are about at break even point and have some debt, but not a really excessive amount. We just want to either maintain where we are and/or pay off debt, but not go into more debt. I feel like never going out with friends or cutting out cable, etc... Is not going to get us where we need to be to have a baby anyway, so why cut out what little pleasure we have left? Yeah, it might add up some, but probably in the grand scheme of things to only like a couple grand a year, not tens of thousands of dollars that would make the difference between us feeling like we're really financially set to have a baby. The only real thing that will bring us to that comfort level is for Greg to go back to flying or get a much better paying job. In our current situation, it's probably not happening because he's really not making enough for us to feel comfortable enough to have a baby. Is that screwed up logic? Anyway, so my mom and I had that conversation on the beach and I don't think she does agree with my logic. She kinda said she doesn't think I'm willing to do WHATEVER it will take to have a baby right now. I guess in a sense she's right. I'm not willing to sell our house and car. I'm not willing to never leave the house or never buy a shirt I like once every two months, or go for coffee with a co-worker once in a while. I'd rather wait and have our situation get better than it is now and then have a baby, but not have to lose what we have now to do it. Anyway, I ended up crying a bunch more while we talked about it. It is a hard thing, because I DO want a baby. Aside from the money, I also want Greg's career stress to not be an issue anymore. I don't want us becoming new parents and not knowing what the heck he's doing with his life. I feel like he either needs to be back flying or in a stable CAREER type job- not a entry level hotel job that he KNOWS is not permanent.
The whole thing did definitely put a damper on the weekend. I know my mom feels bad about bringing the whole thing up. It's ok though. None of what we talked about is anything I'm not already thinking every day anyway. I feel like I needed to talk about it and have a good cry about it. This stuff is always running through my mind.
When I was back at the house, I checked my Facebook and saw a message from my friend Becky that she is pregnant. I actually had to laugh, because I was basically all cried out by then. I'm happy for her. I am.
We went to see "Up in the Air" Sunday afternoon. It was really good and did take my mind off of things.
This morning I went running (yay, hopefully I'm back on the wagon!) around the plantation and then my Dad and I took my mom to lunch (she worked today) in Beaufort, SC. Dad and I perused the shops on the main drag and then I headed off on my drive home.
I really hope things turn around for us in 2010.


KatieJones said...

Can I just say that its crazy that you can just go run for fun? I wish I could be a runner, but I hate it! Anyway about the baby thing...what a tough situation! You are caught between a rock and a hard place. I completely understand what its like to have the darned ole' airlines dictating your life. But, dont let something like money hold you back from having kids either. Because what if you wake up and your 45 and never had kids because you "didnt have the money"? Its such a hard decision to make. But just so you know, Ellie really isnt that expensive. We had to pay about $2,000 for her birth and we pay for diapers and formula, but thats about it. If you have a baby will you put it in daycare ($$$) or stay home from work? That will make a big difference in how much it will cost, since it sounds like your income is the main one right now. Anywho, thats just my opinion and I thought I would throw it out there for you.

PS Do you guys have a religious faith of any kind? Because if you truly want kids and you truly believe that the Lord will provide for you so that you can have them, He will. Just depend on Him.

littletower31 said...

Katie, thanks for the feedback. Daycare is probably going to be the biggest concern for us with money. I do plan to continue working, because I work for the federal govt. and have really good job stability and benefits and if there's anything we've learned throughout the furlough mess it's that it's good for me to at least have some job stability with the aviation industry being so unstable. So yes- we probably will need daycare (neither of our families live nearby). I just feel like it would be so much easier if he were back flying or in a better paying job to "take the plunge". Maybe that time isn't going to occur anytime soon though and we should just go for it and figure it out. That just sounds scary to me though! You guys inspire me though- you are such young parents and doing a great job!

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