Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Looking Forward

I'm no expert on grief and dealing with it, but I suppose at this point I've had my fair share.  Yes, two miscarriages and a year of trying for a baby has caused me a lot of pain.  It's just not how I wanted all of this to go at all.  There have been a lot of tears and a lot of asking the universe "why?".  All I know is there is really nothing I can do to change what has happened.  All I can do is look to the future.  I am really hoping we get some answers and can move forward with our plans to have a family.  Til then, there are some things on the horizon to hopefully keep me sane and looking forward.

1.  Spring.  Spring is my favorite season.  I know we had a mild winter here in Charlotte, but today it just really felt like spring:  flowers blooming, birds chirping, warmer air...  It actually made me happy, despite all the pain.  Spring just seems to hold a lot of hope for me.  And it's sunroof weather, so that's always good.

2.  St. Paddy's Day.  It's coming up, and I suppose one thing good about not being pregnant, is that I can drink beer with my friends on one of my favorite holidays.

3.  A 10K.  I haven't done a 10K in since my Turkey Trot in 2010, so I thought this would be a good distance for me to shoot for in about a month.  I look forward to actually training for something again and a bunch of my friends are running the 10K or the half so I'll have some company.

4.  A family trip to Charleston in April.  My brother, sister-in-law, niece, my parents, Greg, Clyde, and I are renting a house near the beach.  I'm looking forward to spending time with them, especially my adorable niece.

5.  Coldplay concert this summer.  I have tickets to see them when they come to Charlotte!  Can't wait to see them again, they put on an awesome show!

6.  My friend Sarah's wedding in September.  She asked me to be a bridesmaid right before I found out I was pregnant and my due date was basically on top of the wedding, so attending, let alone being in the wedding was definitely up in the air.  Now I can commit to being in the wedding.

None of these things replace being pregnant with a baby, but right now, I just need things to look forward to, to keep me trucking along, and I think these things will all help with that.

My support network is great.  As I mentioned in my last post, my friends have really stepped up- checking on me, calling, sending texts, emails, edible treats, etc...  And you guys- my readers- give me hope every time one of you comments or tweets and tells me you are thinking of me.  Thank you guys so much for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers.  It really does mean a lot to me and help to know that I have all of you pulling for me.  


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