Wednesday, August 3, 2011

My Confession

Confession?  I'm enjoying having a break from TTC and everything that goes with it.  You probably know from reading my blog (or knowing me in real life), that I let that process take me over in the last eight months.  I didn't want to do anything to jeapordize conceiving or carrying a baby.  That meant I basically stopped running, stopped doing yoga (I heard that certain twists and inversions can be bad), refrained from eating or drinking anything questionable, etc...  A lot of good my paranoia did me, right?

Actually, I don't regret that I handled everything the way I did for the most part.  I always said that I didn't want to have to blame myself for miscarrying if it happened.  I knew if I had been running a lot, I might wonder if that caused it, and I'm glad I don't have to wonder and that I don't blame myself because I KNOW I was so careful.  In that respect, I am glad I handled it the way I did.  On the other hand, letting go of running and yoga caused me to lose a big part of who I am for a while, and I missed those outlets and the activities that I enjoy so much.

Once I'd had my first post-op doctor's appointment and was cleared, one of the first things that popped into my head was that I wanted to run.  I probably hadn't run in at least four months, but oh well, I felt like getting out there.

I did just under 2.4 miles on my first run, and have now run about 4 more times since then, all short, slow runs under 3 miles.  It's tough.  I definitely have lost ALL of my speed (if you could call what I had before speed), and it feels very labored and difficult.  I know part of that is the insane heat we have going right now (temps usually anywhere from 85-100 degrees).  I usually have to wait til later in the day to go when it cools off, and even then it's only a few degrees cooler, so it's HOT out there.

As slow and tough as it is, it's still nice to get back out there.  I'm not saying I didn't stay active at all while I was pregnant or trying, but I kept my "workouts" more like long walks, and I know for me, running is a much better workout, and it feels good to really sweat again.

Speaking of sweat, I also returned to the yoga mat over the weekend.  I went to Y2 for Tanner's hour and a half long hot class with Katie on Sunday, which was probably kind of ambitious of me, since I think it's one of the tougher classes in Charlotte, but I'd say it went pretty well for a 4-5 month hiatus.  Let's just say I can feel my shoulder muscles again ;)  Nice.

As much as I want a baby, I'm glad to just feel like my pre-TTC self again for a little while.  It's just nice to not have to *think* about the baby or potential baby with decision I make for a little while.  I don't know how things will go in my next round of TTC, which if you are wondering should kick off in a little over a month.  I guess I'll just play it by ear and go with how I feel then.  I don't want to go into it promising anything, I think TTC and pregnancy taught me to kind of go with how you feel.  I think I'd like to be more active next time, but at the same time, knowing that I lost one pregnancy already may make me all the more paranoid for the next time, so I wouldn't be surprised if I kind of "bench" myself again, and I will let myself be okay with that if that's how I feel. 

In the meantime, til we try again, I'll enjoy some running, some yoga, and also the recreational sport of margarita drinking of course!

Oh, and doggie cuddling!  That's a sport right?  I think I've got some Olympic potential there...

I'm coming to get you Clyde!!  :)


Emms said...

I'm catching up on some missed reading and wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. Big hugs and baby dust coming your way.
Good job in not letting it fully drag you down!

Brittany (A Healthy Slice of Life) said...

I love that you're enjoying this 'time off'. It has to be great for your mental and physical health to sweat hard and relax a bit. Sounds like you're on a great path :)

Katie @ Legally Fit said...

Doggie cuddling is the best :)

I'm glad that you are enjoying your break and getting back into running and yoga. They are such great stress relievers and I'm sure help you feel more like yourself!

I'm also glad that you realize that you didn't do anything to contribute to the miscarriage. When I was around six weeks along I had some spotting so I asked the doctor about running. His response- "Well, don't run. If you are going to miscarry it's going to happen and running won't affect it but women tend to blame themselves." Um, thanks doctor. He was so blase about it and it really stressed me out!

Ashley said...

It sounds like you're slowly getting back into things that you normally do. Props to you for running in that heat! It's been so darn hot in FL that I don't even want to think about going outside to walk from our door to the car haha. Running in the 100 degree weather doesn't sound like fun, but drinking margaritas and puppy cuddling sound like fun though. (:

Erin said...

So glad that you're feeling back to yourself, Brittney! My vacation did me a lot of good too, and I feel back to normal too. Hope to see you soon! :)

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