My Confession

Confession?  I'm enjoying having a break from TTC and everything that goes with it.  You probably know from reading my blog (or knowing me in real life), that I let that process take me over in the last eight months.  I didn't want to do anything to jeapordize conceiving or carrying a baby.  That meant I basically stopped running, stopped doing yoga (I heard that certain twists and inversions can be bad), refrained from eating or drinking anything questionable, etc...  A lot of good my paranoia did me, right?

Actually, I don't regret that I handled everything the way I did for the most part.  I always said that I didn't want to have to blame myself for miscarrying if it happened.  I knew if I had been running a lot, I might wonder if that caused it, and I'm glad I don't have to wonder and that I don't blame myself because I KNOW I was so careful.  In that respect, I am glad I handled it the way I did.  On the other hand, letting go of running and yoga caused me to lose a big part of who I am for a while, and I missed those outlets and the activities that I enjoy so much.

Once I'd had my first post-op doctor's appointment and was cleared, one of the first things that popped into my head was that I wanted to run.  I probably hadn't run in at least four months, but oh well, I felt like getting out there.

I did just under 2.4 miles on my first run, and have now run about 4 more times since then, all short, slow runs under 3 miles.  It's tough.  I definitely have lost ALL of my speed (if you could call what I had before speed), and it feels very labored and difficult.  I know part of that is the insane heat we have going right now (temps usually anywhere from 85-100 degrees).  I usually have to wait til later in the day to go when it cools off, and even then it's only a few degrees cooler, so it's HOT out there.

As slow and tough as it is, it's still nice to get back out there.  I'm not saying I didn't stay active at all while I was pregnant or trying, but I kept my "workouts" more like long walks, and I know for me, running is a much better workout, and it feels good to really sweat again.

Speaking of sweat, I also returned to the yoga mat over the weekend.  I went to Y2 for Tanner's hour and a half long hot class with Katie on Sunday, which was probably kind of ambitious of me, since I think it's one of the tougher classes in Charlotte, but I'd say it went pretty well for a 4-5 month hiatus.  Let's just say I can feel my shoulder muscles again ;)  Nice.

As much as I want a baby, I'm glad to just feel like my pre-TTC self again for a little while.  It's just nice to not have to *think* about the baby or potential baby with decision I make for a little while.  I don't know how things will go in my next round of TTC, which if you are wondering should kick off in a little over a month.  I guess I'll just play it by ear and go with how I feel then.  I don't want to go into it promising anything, I think TTC and pregnancy taught me to kind of go with how you feel.  I think I'd like to be more active next time, but at the same time, knowing that I lost one pregnancy already may make me all the more paranoid for the next time, so I wouldn't be surprised if I kind of "bench" myself again, and I will let myself be okay with that if that's how I feel. 

In the meantime, til we try again, I'll enjoy some running, some yoga, and also the recreational sport of margarita drinking of course!

Oh, and doggie cuddling!  That's a sport right?  I think I've got some Olympic potential there...

I'm coming to get you Clyde!!  :)