Thursday, October 1, 2009

Still angry

Here's a picture of Greg with his truck.
I'm not having a good day. I feel like all my emotions have come spilling out today. At the beginning of the week Greg told me he probably wouldn't make it home this weekend yet again. Last night we talked and he actually seemed optimistic that he might get to come home if his dispatcher routed him in the direction of home, which got me optimistic too. Then this morning he got yet another impossible assignment that will take him further from home, so he is back to not being able to come home. It just sucks because it took me to higher place to fall from and hearing the news put me into a total depression on everything. I actually cried in my office upon hearing the news and I fear even now that I'm teetering on the border of going into a cry again because I'm in such a low place about everything.
He plans on quitting later today once he has picked up his latest load. Rumor has it that you can't quit this company, they always claim they fired you, so he's trying to handle the situation carefully. He still plans on doing the right thing and giving two weeks notice, but at this point I don't care. I kinda just want him to say "I'm done" and come home now.
I feel like I'm just becoming totally pessimistic about everything. It's been a whole year since the furlough, and we're really just back to square one. He's about to quit this job and we'll be worse off than we were when we started the furlough a year ago, because now he doesn't even have unemployment to fall back on. I'm not overly optimistic that he'll easily find another job when he's been applying for stuff all along that hasn't panned out. I feel like nothing I do really helps either. I find stuff for him to apply for, apply for him myself, pass his resume on to people, be there for him, push him, nothing seems to help because we are back to where we started. I don't think he's going to get called back from furlough anytime soon and I see no way for this to really be resolved. It's just depressing.
My friends keep encouraging me and trying to be constructive with advice, but I just feel like they don't get it. There is no easy fix. It's been over a year. This just sucks, and we have tried everything again and again and nothing is getting resolved. I feel like I deserve to feel defeated and upset about it. Being positive and upbeat is not really helping and all my effort isn't getting us anywhere.


Someday said...

I'm sorry that things are going so poorly for you at the moment. I remember how distressed I felt when we got the news that A's cancer was back and he would have to go through another round of treatment and be off for yet another year.
Go ahead and take a few days to wallow and feel bad, it's ok. A job that makes both of you so miserable isn't worth the money it brings in.

Related Posts with Thumbnails