I wish I could change this...
To this...
But you guys already know that.
I took yet another pregnancy test last night (I think I've taken 3 now) on a whim, but alas there was only one line. Ehhhhh....
Not being pregnant when you want to be sucks. It's something that's suddenly on your radar all the time and it seems like everyone in the world but you can get knocked up.
The other problem is that if you're like me you're in the constant state of "pregnancy limbo" where you don't know if you are or aren't pregnant half the time in the two weeks in between ovulation and your period, so you find it influencing everything. Even yesterday, I was doing something for work and potentially could have been exposed to something that would be a problem if I were pregnant, so not knowing for sure if I am or am not, I decided to sit on the side lines, even though it was something I would have enjoyed participating in. That kind of stuff DRIVES ME BATTY!
Anyway, I haven't really figured out how to deal with all this very well (which you can probably see), and even though it's only been a couple months, it's just really frustrating and hard. I find myself losing hope all ready, as the month go by and there is nothing to show for after carefully tracking, using an ovulation predictor kit, and seemingly trying exactly when I should be, because Greg was magically home at the right time. Still, no results.
Last night I got home and while taking Clyde out, I glanced over at this area in my landscaping where Greg and I had planted a lilac bush the first year we moved here. The joke was on us because every year we have just gotten nothing but LEAVES and no lilac flowers to show for and have been wondering if it would ever flower. Well, this year we got lilacs!
It really made me smile to see those flowers. I'm hoping this is a good sign and that this is how our trying to conceive journey will go- after a while of nothing, we will all the sudden get a blossom... That would be really great.
