Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Hoping For Change

Day 24 of the 30 Day Challenge- A picture of something you wish you could change.


I wish I could change this...
 

To this...



But you guys already know that.

I took yet another pregnancy test last night (I think I've taken 3 now) on a whim, but alas there was only one line.  Ehhhhh....

Not being pregnant when you want to be sucks.  It's something that's suddenly on your radar all the time and it seems like everyone in the world but you can get knocked up. 

The other problem is that if you're like me you're in the constant state of "pregnancy limbo" where you don't know if you are or aren't pregnant half the time in the two weeks in between ovulation and your period, so you find it influencing everything.  Even yesterday, I was doing something for work and potentially could have been exposed to something that would be a problem if I were pregnant, so not knowing for sure if I am or am not, I decided to sit on the side lines, even though it was something I would have enjoyed participating in.  That kind of stuff DRIVES ME BATTY!

Anyway, I haven't really figured out how to deal with all this very well (which you can probably see), and even though it's only been a couple months, it's just really frustrating and hard.  I find myself losing hope all ready, as the month go by and there is nothing to show for after carefully tracking, using an ovulation predictor kit, and seemingly trying exactly when I should be, because Greg was magically home at the right time.  Still, no results.

Last night I got home and while taking Clyde out, I glanced over at this area in my landscaping where Greg and I had planted a lilac bush the first year we moved here.  The joke was on us because every year we have just gotten nothing but LEAVES and no lilac flowers to show for and have been wondering if it would ever flower.  Well, this year we got lilacs!





It really made me smile to see those flowers.  I'm hoping this is a good sign and that this is how our trying to conceive journey will go- after a while of nothing, we will all the sudden get a blossom...  That would be really great.


13 comments:

Carly said...

Lilacs are my favorite. I can't wait for them to bloom up here!

Jen said...

I'm sorry :( I know EXACTLY how you feel. The only advice I can give is DO NOT take a test until your period is due. I know those tests claim to detect hcg 6+ days before your period is expected, but those "studies" aren't really supported. You'll save a lot of money- and tears- if you don't keep taking pregnancy tests!

Fingers crossed that you just tested too early!

Kristina @ spabettie said...

oh, the lilac!! when I started reading the story of no blooms until now, that is EXACTLY what I thought... this could be a sign... I sure hope it is! <3

Amber said...

I love lilacs and I'm sure it is a sign!! Try to at least enjoy the practice leading up to the 2 lines on the stick! :)

Kelly said...

It's an omen. :)

Brittany (A Healthy Slice of Life) said...

Hang in there, girl. I can imagine how frustrating and consuming it is when you want it so badly, so I WILL NOT tell you to relax and it will happen (so annoying, right?). I've heard great things about OPKs, so stick with it!

Danielle said...

I saw a thumbnail version of the pregnancy test and got really excited for you.... then I realized it was part of your post. So sorry you have to go through the long waiting part =( I'm sending "get pregnant vibes" your way! (That's not weird, is it? lol)

YUMMommy said...

Stay positive and just keep believing. I know that's hard to do but trust God hears you. Don't give up.

Cindi O said...

Nothing worse than not getting something you want - especially when you are taking all the right steps to get there. May the lilacs bloom for you sooner than later! I'm pulling for you friend!

Ashley said...

Sorry to hear you aren't pregnant yet. :(

We don't have kids, and we aren't trying either... but hopefully sometime in the near future we'll try. (It's sort of concerning hearing how sometimes it take a long time to get pregnant). I don't think everyone out there gets pregnant easily. I have some friends who said it took almost a year, and I know some people who try once and get it... it just seems so different for everyone. Try not to think about it too much. It will happen for you guys! (:

Joanna said...

lilacs are my favorite! It is one of the best smells in the world.


Like Jen said, don't take your test until your period is due ;)

Phorrest said...

I think the lilacs are a good sign! I'll keep my fingers crossed, but in the mean time, stay positive & try not to stress too much about it. It'll happen in due time I'm sure :o)
So basically I'm agreeing with everyone else ;o)
And I know this is easier said than done...

Katie H said...

I absolutely love lilacs! I get sad because they die so quickly after blooming.

I am confident you will have your little blossom soon. I think I took about 5 negative tests the week before I got the positive.

Looking forward to this weekend! :)

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