It's Day 19 of the 30 Day Challenge - A picture and a letter. I had another hard time with this one. I decided to write it to my grandmother, who passed away from pancreatic cancer a little over 5 years ago. Like most people who get pancreatic cancer, she didn't have much time to live from the time she was diagnosed to when she died. She was diagnosed in the spring and died in the fall of 2005.
I can't believe it's been 5 years since we lost you. You were literally the sweetest person I've ever met. I never saw you get angry with anyone and your heart was always warm and welcoming. I think of that quality in you a lot and strive to be more like you. I miss your voice on the phone saying "Hi Honey!" when I would call. I miss your hand written letters and cards. You had the most beautiful hand writing. Sometimes when I wash my face at night with a very warm wash cloth, I think of the times I spent the night at your house and you washed my face for me with a warm wash cloth. We all think of you every year on holidays when we make your macaroni and cheese, and though it's always really good, it never quite tastes as great as yours did. I love that you used to save your stale bread and take me to Forest Park to feed the ducks when I was little. I remember when I got my license and drove us to the mall and we ate Chinese food (which Papa won't eat) together at the food court. Christmas always felt a little more magical when you were part of it. I remember those really good Archway windmill cookies you always had at your house. Sometimes when I look at my eye lids, I think they look like yours and that's where I got them. I miss lunches and dinners with you at Red Rose and Lidos, still among my favorite restaurants even though I don't get to go very often. The only reason I almost cried at my wedding was right before I walked down the aisle and I told Dad I was carrying your necklace attached to my bouquet and he looked like he might cry. It was so hard to not have you there when I got married only 6 months after we lost you. I think you would have really enjoyed the wedding. I'm also sorry you never got to meet Clyde or visit me in Charlotte. I'm sorry you'll never get to hold the baby I hope to have. Life isn't the same without you and never will be the same and I remember thinking this when you passed away. I miss you Mama, and love you always.